On The Importance of Trust in a Relationship
Shay – I am starting this article followed by my esteemed husband Sunny’s thoughts as I have lot to say!
This weekend I am going away with 10 of my girlfriends for a spa weekend to celebrate a landmark birthday for all of us (as ladies I will not reveal our age) and when a family friend found out, they turned to Sunny and said, ‘how can you allow that?’
This has been said to Sunny before and it never ceases to amaze me! Why would my husband allow me to do anything? In fact, why should he? I am an independent grown woman just as he is an independent grown man and we are equals as husband and wife.
Gone are the days of when women were expected to have no lives, stay at home and be submissive to their husbands who were their Gods. Now, there is nothing wrong if this is the life you want and have chosen but the truth is for many of us it is not the life we lead. If your husband wants to spend a day or perhaps a night out with his friends there is nothing wrong with that just as there is nothing wrong if you want to see your friends. It’s all about being in a healthy loving relationship.
Sunny and I have always maintained that we are two individuals who have different friends and hobbies but that is definitely not a bad thing. In fact, having variety and different interests has always ensured that our relationship stays fresh and never boring. Whether it’s me spending time with my friends or family and Sunny heading to the cinema to see that latest horror film (I hate those) as long as we are not lying to each other then neither of us has to ask for permission and quite frankly never will. As I’m happy when Sunny is happy just as much as he is happy when I am.
Trust is the key to every relationship and being joined to the hip 24/7 is certainly not!
Sunny –
Shay and I agree completely on this point.
There are 9 years between us and when we first got together I always wanted her to have her own circle of friends as it’s important to have your own interests. I have never wanted Shay to look back on her life and think I didn’t do this or didn’t go there.
That’s not to say we don’t do things together – of course we do in fact we are together a lot as she’s my best friend but when it comes down to me going out with my mates including my best friend, who is female, I have never asked Shay for permission and shouldn’t have to. It comes down to trust – if tomorrow Shay questions me about something then she can but I know when it’s someone else stirring or planting something in her head. This is when you answer the question and ask ‘where is this coming from?’ instead of going on the defensive.
You will both soon realise it’s a third party interfering where they shouldn’t. The most important element if you are innocent and have nothing to worry about is then never apologise – guilty people apologise.
No-one should ever get between you and your partner as the paramount aspect to a living in relationship is Trust. If you don’t have that then my friends you don’t have a relationship.
